“I think I’ve done something wrong with my child…”
Fear can kill your spirit. It can be debilitating. Fear can make us freeze in place and believe that everything that is wrong is our fault; that we are out of control. As a parent, fear can make us believe that we are the worst parent in the world; and if you are a parent of a child with a disability, fear makes this guilt feel unbearable, making us want to hide and not face the world.
We know this fear. We have met this fear. We have faced this fear head-on and won – and so CAN YOU!
Facing this fear begins with believing that your child’s disability is NOT your fault. There are many factors that make us the people that we are – our genetics, our environment, our friends, our schools, society, etc. With my youngest son, I was positive that his disability was something that I did while I was pregnant. I mentally flipped through the months of my pregnancy looking for the cause for days while in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit).
Finally, one of the many caring nurses shared a bit of wisdom – “There has been no parent EVER that has gotten out of bed in the morning and said, what disabling, debilitating, chronic illness can I give to my child that will make our family suffer great pain and hardship today?” You did not plan your child’s disability or cause it in any way. It is not your fault.
Second, you must learn to accept that you are a human and not superhuman. I believed that my sons’ disabilities were made worse because I was unable to do more when they were young children. I missed important signs and signals that might have changed the direction of a school year. But, I am not superhuman. I am just a person with no hero powers and I made mistakes. You, too, are just human and will make mistakes. I learned from my mistakes and you will too.
You have to accept your mistakes. Grow from your mistakes and forgive yourself.
I learned how to use my fear to push myself forward and to help me find a little strength. You might be afraid to talk with someone about your fears, but in actuality the fear dissipates as soon as the person on the other line answers the phone.
Take one step at a time. Pick up your phone. It is just a phone. There is no reason to fear your phone.
Dial the number. They are just numbers. There is no reason to fear numbers.
One step at a time. For me, it took many, many times to complete the call, but eventually I did and the fear disappeared as soon as the person on the other end answered the phone. If you have questions or concerns about your child’s disability and education programming, please don’t hesitate.
